By 'things', I'm referring to what was indeed contained inside the envelope which would present either sheer delight or tear-inducing horror for me. If you have had the 'misfortune' of studying A-levels like myself (which nonetheless thousands of teenagers choose to do each year, even though we are supposedly 'aware' of the horrors ahead!), you might have experienced anxiety, stress or random moments of panic in the months, weeks and eventually days leading up to the third Thursday of August. Less than a week ago, my imagination decided to bless me with a beautiful nightmare in which the envelope containing my results went missing - as a self-confessed impatient teenager (luckily my parents made the sagacious decision to not call me 'Patience' which is actually a name!), it was the very last scenario that I wanted to dream about!
To further reiterate how waiting for results day can truly mess with your mind, one of my recent dreams involved my getting an A in Computer Science... a subject that I don't even study! OK, I know how to turn on the Wi-Fi if one of my parents has disconnected laptops from it yet, asides from that, I wouldn't call myself an expert on computers! So that 'dream' only served to highlight how nervous I was feeling before finally reaching this Thursday, although I would've preferred to have not realised it!
Needless to say, the wait for results day is a nail-biting one (not that I'm encouraging you to bite your nails like some people over-pluck their eyebrows!) and I'm not going to waste time discussing the symptoms or the depth of panic that other people and myself have experienced before the Day of Doom eventually arrives. After having sent off four of my GCSEs for re-marks last year - of which only one changed - I suppose that my anxiety was heightened all the more because I didn't want to get my hopes up too much in case the same scenario reoccurred this year. Honestly, it is so difficult to establish a healthy quantity of self-confidence without becoming overly 'cocky' because, if you feel assured about your abilities, such a feeling gives you a tremendous boost when sitting your exams (alrhough hard work is far more important than how 'confident' you feel!). However, building confidence is easier said than done. As the 're-marking' business left me feeling apprehensive with regard to the exams I sat this year, I really didn't know what to expect with my results.
At the end of the day, the very last thing I want is that others believe that I'm over-exaggerating or making a fuss over nothing about my GCSE re-marks. Overall, I achieved 4A* (including ECDL ICT which can only be listed as a 'pass' or 'fail' on my UCAS application - what was the point of hours of tedious revision?!), 4A and 2B last year; one of my re-marks for English Literature increased to an A* which, to this day, I am eternally grateful because it reaffirms my confidence in the subject that I want to study alongside French at uni next year! After a year of attending a grammar school, I'm more aware than ever of the shocking differences between this envirnonment - one more adapt to teaching in a more organised and efficient way - compared to my former comprehensive where I sat my GCSEs, so I suppose that I've become more proud of what I achieved a year ago because the majority of my peers fortunately never attended a school whose foundations seemed to be based on constant disruption, lower aspirations and aims solely for the purpose of surviving in the so-called 'league tables'. Nonetheless, the experience of applying for re-marks - one that I wouldn't wish upon anybody at GCSE or A-level - confirmed my then-philosophy of not getting my hopes too high up because, whatever happened this year, I couldn't bear to go through the emotional upset of getting re-marks or feeling disappointed in myself again.
Everyone has different expectations of themselves and why should we not? Luckily, no one is the same which means that we can tailor our expectations to our exact needs and desires, hence why I have always based my beliefs on what I want. If someone is over the moon with getting C grades, we should support them in achieving their goals. Respect is a salient quality that I think people forget when it comes to tolerating the exam goals of others, as some may consider themselves to be utter failures if they don't achieve full marks in their exams while others are grateful for anything and vice versa. Therefore, I get quite angry when I read comments on some YouTube videos where people criticise vloggers who are disappointed in not getting A grades because none of us can expect others to lead the same lives and have identical aspirations. Alas, does anyone really have the right to label me as a 'whiny bitch' for lamenting my GCSE re-marking experience? I personally think not - the issue lies with gratitude. If you appreciate the effort that you have devoted to your studies, no one possesses the right to criticise you for aiming high! We shouldn't fear aspiration, but embrace it; sometimes, we may not get exactly what we want by pursuing these goals, but is it not better to try than do nothing at all or, worse still, criticise those who naturally have high expectations of themselves?
Anyway, now that this mini rant is over (I would've exploded otherwise if I didn't get those words off my chest!), let's proceed to discussing my results! Unlike some valiant YouTubers who waited until they got home to open their results on camera, I was actually the first person in my year group to collect their AS results (my school released the results bang on 10am, no kidding!) and there was little way that I was going to wait a second longer than I had to before finding out what I got! In fact, I opened my friend's results before I got mine as I had to collect hers on her behalf, which only made me more anxious to obtain my own!
Although AS-levels no longer count towards my final A-level grade thanks to the absolute mess of the exams system created by the former education minister Michael Gove created, I still wanted to do really well in my exams. My attitude is, if I'm sitting anything in the exam hall, I want to show the very best of my ability so that my results will hopefully be worth the months of stress, dedication and hard work that I've dedicated to those subjects! Otherwise, how will I cope at university and beyond in life? The only subject that does count is Media Studies, which I've previously listed a subject that I cannot wait to drop, more of which later.
So... what were my results? Here goes: 4 As!!! Two days on, I still haven't fully taken this in because it seems too good to be true. In fact, I was convinced that a mistake was made with my English Literature grade because I was nowhere close to finishing a question worth 24 marks in one of the exam papers, which left me firmly believing throughout the summer that my hopes of even obtaining a B grade were next to fruitless. As for French, I feared that I would be penialised for writing hundreds of words above the advised word limit of 250 words, while I walked out of my speaking exam feeling as though I had messed it up because I didn't fully understand what the examiner send to me. Somehow, an angel or fortune itself has blessed me with results that I absolutely cherish and am so relieved to have; not for a second shall I take these grades for granted!
As a somewhat 'perfectionist', I suppose the only 'hiccup' with my results was that I scraped through with a B grade in my Media exam because of the essay question I chose to respond to, which somehow resulted in others in my class being penialised, too. That being said, I'm not worried about it because I'm going to drop the subject next year. If I had been in a position where I had to carry on with Media - let's say that I got a U grade in Sociology or something similar - I would definitely resit the AS Media exam to boost my overall A-level grade in Year 13, but fortunately I won't have face this scenario! It was my coursework which secured my overall A grade - a blessing in disguise considering that it was the bane of my life until it was finally sent off in May!
Whatever happens (or quoi qu'il en soit if you wish to use some fancy French!), I won't do four A2s next year in Year 13, even if I get asked to do so on the basis of my AS results. I'm already doing an EPQ which, as half an A-level, will equate to a whole A-level when taking my AS in Media into consideration - so why do I need to put myself under extra pressure when it isn't even necessary? Throughout Year 12, I've been (perhaps unwisely) looking forward to Year 13 so that I could benefit from extra free periods, which I wouldn't have if I continued with four subjects! And, thanks to acquiring a degree-level knowledge of coffee in my new job, I'd quite like to spend more time making drinks in the common room kitchen...
With several weeks left of the summer holidays, I'm aiming to relax as much as possible before starting Year 13, words of which sound so surreal to me. I can't really get my head around the fact that, this time next year, I'll be preparing to head off to university! In a way, I feel sad at the prospect of my school days coming to an end because, as Year 12 has proved, the weeks fly past so quickly that sixth form will be over before I even realise! In light of my results, I'm going to research more universities that I may list on my UCAS application, even though my heart is still set on the University of Nottingham which I completely fell in love with after going to an open day there earlier this year.
I'm hoping that I will have an increased chance of being offered a place at Nottingham, which would absolutely mean the world to me because it would mean that I can stay at home during my studies and save thousands of pounds. Instead of spending a student loan on food and accommodation, I could use the money towards funding driving lessons and perhaps even purchasing a car of my own, which would further cement my independence! Anyway, I have never personally been interested in attending Oxbridge because the idea of sitting entrance exams as well as attending challenging interviews petrify me. If I did apply, it would most likely be so that I could 'brag' about it because Oxbridge is symbolic of prestige; I also wouldn't want to deprive someone who would love to go there of a place, which would be a selfish thing to do. Besides, I don't feel that I need to go to Oxbridge in order to obtain a world-class education, although I'm happy for those at my school who will be going there in the autumn because it is line with their aspirations. You see what I mean about respect?
Overall, I couldn't be happier with my results, even though I will probably take more than a few days to completely accept that they are mine! I hope that anybody else sitting their AS or A-levels this summer achieved the grades that they wanted; while I was on cloud nine after finding out my results, I couldn't help but feel awful for some people in my year whose results disappointed them. I really don't want to come across as the flawless A grade student because, in my opinion, it is an illusion constructed by society which incite insecurities within ourselves - perfection does NOT exist! However, all I can say is that as long as you have tried your best, you have little reason to feel guilty about your results. I do believe that the 'uncoupling' of AS and A-levels has resulted in 'some' Year 12s (not all!) developing the attitude that they don't need to try in their AS-levels because 'they don't count', but everything you do during your tenure in sixth form matters. For one second I'm not suggesting that you should work like an exam machine 24/7, but you can't expect to be thrilled with your grades if you leave revision until the night before the exam...
On that note, I'm going to have a break (although there are sadly no Kit Kats in the cupboards downstairs!) and breathe. It's something that I'm still working on, but practice makes 'perfect' or as close to meeting your expectations - as my results have mercifully done!
No comments:
Post a Comment